why so tardy, ryan nichols ?

it has been a hell of a long time since I wrote much of anything on here, and I blame my hockey blog and the gratification that comes along with regular readers & regular commenters. Infact, over the past few months, the regular readers have become friends, of sorts, as we got to know each other not only through daily posts, but through the handful of game nights that we met up to watch hockey, drink beer, and eat wings (the true trifecta of canadian leisure).

after what I consider to be an incredibly busy spring, rolling job to job for a lot of it, I decided it was fine time to take a break & head back to calgary to chill out. I booked a flight for 840 pm (a nighttime flight is a rarity for me, and thus noteworthy) and wasted away the day cleaning & packing & watching the telly. I got to the airport early, had a coffee, read a bit, used the washroom & finally boarded the aircraft leisurely, well before takeoff. I fly a lot. I know the drill…

i find my allotted seat. the activity of passengers boarding tapers off. the ground crew finish loading the baggage and drive away. the cabin crew explains that we should stow our bags under the seat infront of us, or in the overhead compartment. the captain comes on the PA to inform us of the flying time and temperature at the destination. and then there’s another announcement:

“passenger ryan nichols. passenger ryan nichols. please make yourself known to the cabin crew” (et encore une fois en français).

one of the air hosts visually scans the rear of the plane, sees nothing, and turns to the front shaking his head and motioning with his hand repeatedly ‘slicing’ his neck: ryan nichols ain’t fucking here.

Moments later, the captain comes on again to tell us that, according to international safety regulations, if ryan nichols doesn’t go to calgary with us, we can’t take his bags. he explains that they will be located and removed from the belly of the aircraft, and should take only ten or so “airline minutes.” uh hunh… sweet… I hate ryan nichols.

but low and behold, about 4 minutes later, some guy in a bluejays hat and a beige polar fleece rushes down the aisle, stows his carryon and sits down. he’s three rows behind me and across the aisle, but it’s mighty difficult to suppress the urge to pipe up, “hey…. ryan nichols…. what the hell were you doing, man ???” cause somewhere between baggage dropoff and the plane, the dude went missing...

all I can come up with are the following:
1. he was taking a really necessary and unfortunately timed crap
2. he was watching the raps game and not paying attention to the outside world
3. he was on a really intense phonecall and not paying attention to the outside world
4. he was listening to his mp3 player (or the like) and not paying attention to the outside world
5. he was hitting on a chick and not paying attention to the outside world.
5. he had a medical emergency, of some sort, that would cause him to be unconscious (insulin shock, epileptic seizure, punch in the face etc.)
6. any of the above, coupled with a dead wristwatch battery

i also considered “he has a serious drug habit”, which would require some extensive time in the bathroom (ie: cocaine/heroin) but he’d really have to be a complete idiot to take that through security… but then again, the dude was 10 minutes late for a flight that he checked in for at least 40 minutes prior…

yep.

it is my life's work to find this guy and make him pay.