44 updated
i don't even know where to begin... so i'll start from the start...
in september, 2003 i caught a flight to london with a 2 year work visa in my passport and a few thousand dollars in my pocket. hagan had been living there for some time, and a room had recently opened up in her flat (pulbro lodge is probably the coolest house i've ever lived in, it had a backyard AND a conservatory, and was located in the heart of islington). i arrived and paid first and last months rent, which left me with very little dough after the conversion to pound sterling.
i needed a job.
sure, if i'd started out immediately and landed a shitty retail or restaurant gig, i would've had no problems, but i spent a few weeks lollygagging; visiting with friends i'd met along the way, and making half-assed attempts to find a job in my field. it didn't take long to realize the money was gonna run out LONG before xmas (my target date for deciding whether to go home for the holidays and return in the new year, or pull chute on the whole UK idea)... so i hit it hard. i've never, before or since, had so much trouble landing a film gig, but this was an excercise in exhaustion and frustration: running around a huge city, dropping off resumes and getting notsomuch as a single call... and with no income, i wasn't having any fun. i was conserving money like it was going out of style by eating toast and tuna sandwiches and staying in every night listening to kent... it was depressing...
it was about this point when i realized that david blaine was hanging around in a perspex box on the south bank of the thames at tower bridge. i used this as a motivator, allowing myself to go in the afternoon only after spending a solid morning of job hunting and researching. i found an incredible amount of solace in him and his feat: 44 days without food, suspended in what amounted to little more than a human aquarium. i would think "what am i in such a rush to do ? look at this guy, he put himself into this situation, he's GOT to be more bored than me, and all he can do (like me) is wait it out."
the first day i went, i found a nice electrical/telephone pole about 100 feet away to lean against. it was to the side of the box, to the east, and thus a good distance from the crowds which were always directly beneath his glass cage. i would stand and watch for awhile, and my mind would wander. i would formulate plans of attack, think about home and be melancholy and lonely and impatient for the good times. it was his day 31.
the second day, i wore my expos cap. after about a half hour of my silent musings, he turned and looked towards where i stood, motioned a "tipping of his [non-existant] cap" and gave me a thumbs up (as in: "nice hat"). i grinned and nodded thanks. he turned back and continued acknowledging the crowd below him, and i continued daydreaming --all-the-while sending off what positive energy i could muster: "how can I be impatient with MY life ??? i appreciate your zen-ness, sir."
the third day, he turned and looked and made the same hat tipping motion, then shrugged his shoulders, as if to ask "where's the cap ?" i smiled, and shrugged back, thinking "yeah, that's me. the chick with the expos hat. i'm not wearing it today." the fourth day he laid down to look out the side towards me, and just smiled for ages... i stood silently, still, and tried my best to muster pleasant thoughts and positive energy towards a man i'd never met. a magic man who was somehow keeping me mentally strong though he must have been (at that point) incredibly physically weak... i continued going for another 5 or so days, always in the afternoons, always leaning on the pole, always sharing what positive vibes i could muster and daydreaming conversations...
i am an incredibly impatient person by nature, and, in the years since, i have always looked back on these days as the first in my awareness of a life lesson to slow it down. the number 44 turns up out of the blue with absurd frequency, and each time i am reminded of those days, and how i need to relax. chill out. breathe... two months ago, i tattooed 44 (in braille) on my right wrist as a physical reminder of it all, and i look to it often when i start getting all bent out of shape about, well... anything.
last night, in a daze of melancholy "what am i doing with my life" blues, i came across blaine's myspace page, and i wrote a quick thank you, simply noting my appreciation for the inspiration to learn patience at a time when i was certainly anything BUT. i'll be honest, i didn't expect a response. and i definitely didn't expect this:
whoah.
i may have to re-evaluate my beliefs in the power of thought, energy, observation, and higher consciousness... and i am certainly re-examining any doubts i had about blaine vibrating on a higher level than the rest of us....
my response ?
"indeed..."
in september, 2003 i caught a flight to london with a 2 year work visa in my passport and a few thousand dollars in my pocket. hagan had been living there for some time, and a room had recently opened up in her flat (pulbro lodge is probably the coolest house i've ever lived in, it had a backyard AND a conservatory, and was located in the heart of islington). i arrived and paid first and last months rent, which left me with very little dough after the conversion to pound sterling.
i needed a job.
sure, if i'd started out immediately and landed a shitty retail or restaurant gig, i would've had no problems, but i spent a few weeks lollygagging; visiting with friends i'd met along the way, and making half-assed attempts to find a job in my field. it didn't take long to realize the money was gonna run out LONG before xmas (my target date for deciding whether to go home for the holidays and return in the new year, or pull chute on the whole UK idea)... so i hit it hard. i've never, before or since, had so much trouble landing a film gig, but this was an excercise in exhaustion and frustration: running around a huge city, dropping off resumes and getting notsomuch as a single call... and with no income, i wasn't having any fun. i was conserving money like it was going out of style by eating toast and tuna sandwiches and staying in every night listening to kent... it was depressing...
it was about this point when i realized that david blaine was hanging around in a perspex box on the south bank of the thames at tower bridge. i used this as a motivator, allowing myself to go in the afternoon only after spending a solid morning of job hunting and researching. i found an incredible amount of solace in him and his feat: 44 days without food, suspended in what amounted to little more than a human aquarium. i would think "what am i in such a rush to do ? look at this guy, he put himself into this situation, he's GOT to be more bored than me, and all he can do (like me) is wait it out."
the first day i went, i found a nice electrical/telephone pole about 100 feet away to lean against. it was to the side of the box, to the east, and thus a good distance from the crowds which were always directly beneath his glass cage. i would stand and watch for awhile, and my mind would wander. i would formulate plans of attack, think about home and be melancholy and lonely and impatient for the good times. it was his day 31.
the second day, i wore my expos cap. after about a half hour of my silent musings, he turned and looked towards where i stood, motioned a "tipping of his [non-existant] cap" and gave me a thumbs up (as in: "nice hat"). i grinned and nodded thanks. he turned back and continued acknowledging the crowd below him, and i continued daydreaming --all-the-while sending off what positive energy i could muster: "how can I be impatient with MY life ??? i appreciate your zen-ness, sir."
the third day, he turned and looked and made the same hat tipping motion, then shrugged his shoulders, as if to ask "where's the cap ?" i smiled, and shrugged back, thinking "yeah, that's me. the chick with the expos hat. i'm not wearing it today." the fourth day he laid down to look out the side towards me, and just smiled for ages... i stood silently, still, and tried my best to muster pleasant thoughts and positive energy towards a man i'd never met. a magic man who was somehow keeping me mentally strong though he must have been (at that point) incredibly physically weak... i continued going for another 5 or so days, always in the afternoons, always leaning on the pole, always sharing what positive vibes i could muster and daydreaming conversations...
i am an incredibly impatient person by nature, and, in the years since, i have always looked back on these days as the first in my awareness of a life lesson to slow it down. the number 44 turns up out of the blue with absurd frequency, and each time i am reminded of those days, and how i need to relax. chill out. breathe... two months ago, i tattooed 44 (in braille) on my right wrist as a physical reminder of it all, and i look to it often when i start getting all bent out of shape about, well... anything.
last night, in a daze of melancholy "what am i doing with my life" blues, i came across blaine's myspace page, and i wrote a quick thank you, simply noting my appreciation for the inspiration to learn patience at a time when i was certainly anything BUT. i'll be honest, i didn't expect a response. and i definitely didn't expect this:
whoah.
i may have to re-evaluate my beliefs in the power of thought, energy, observation, and higher consciousness... and i am certainly re-examining any doubts i had about blaine vibrating on a higher level than the rest of us....
my response ?
"indeed..."
posted by walkinvisible at 12:07 PM
3 comments
